


I hate you, I love you

by Sister_winchesters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 19:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19836667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sister_winchesters/pseuds/Sister_winchesters
Summary: Y/N has liked the oldest Winchester since they met at her parents funeral. Years pass and Dean had just got back into hunting after leaving for a year when Sam died.





	I hate you, I love you

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the rights to the show. Please don't repost my things, I have worked hard on all of these writings.

Y/N couldn’t stand it, she wished she could be on the other side of those emerald-green eyes, but, that’s all a dream that wouldn’t come true. She might’ve seen those eyes once, but that was only one night, and he hasn’t looked at her sense.

She watched as Dean flirted his way into another woman’s bed after they had just finished a simple salt and burn, which actually turned into a pissed of spirit, so Dean decided that they needed to get drinks.

_‘Feeling used_  
But I’m  
Still missing you  
And I can’t  
See the end of this  
Just wanna feel your kiss  
Against my lips  
And now all this time  
Is passing by  
But I still can’t seem to tell you why  
It hurts me every time I see you  
Realize how much I need you’

She watches from the distance, not noticing the youngest Winchester watching her, she glares then stands up, throwing cash on the table and storming out. She walks back to the motel, taking a long way.

After about an hour she makes her way back to the motel, shaking her head as she sees the Impala in its spot, she tries walking to a room until a voice stops her,

“Where have _you_ been?” He asks her, she shakes her head, “needed air ass” she bites, not facing him, “I don’t need to explain myself to _you_ ” she growls.

He scoffs, shaking his head, “Seriously?” he asks, she turns and looks at him, “Seriously what Dean?” she asks, glaring at him she folds her arms, “you’re not my keeper, I don’t need to tell you where I’m going. You left! You left me alone after Sam died” she says, “so… I don’t need to tell you anything” she says, she gets her key out and walks into her room, quickly locking the door.

**_~~Few days later~~_ **

Y/N stalks into the motel room, throwing her stuff on the bed she claims and falls down, she looks up at Sam, “What Samantha?” she growls, earning a scowl from the young Winchester, “just tell him stupid, or I will” he says.

“Seriously?” she growls, “he’s still in love with her! He calls her everyday Sam. I’m not telling him, the one thing I will tell him… is that I’m leaving” she whispers.

That night she looks around the room, her music playing, a song that she knew too well, a song that fit the moment perfectly

_‘I hate you I love you_  
I hate that I love you  
Don’t want to, but I can’t put  
Nobody else above you  
I hate you I love you  
I hate that I want you  
You want her, you need her  
And I’ll never be her‘

She hears a knock and opens the door, not paying attention to who’s at the door, she looks up and meet’s those emerald eyes, “what Dean?” she hums quietly, he looks around, “Sam says your leaving” he says, she nods, “I am”

He shakes his head “no you’re not” he growls, “seriously Dean?” she asks, shaking her head she grabs her bag, “I have to leave,” she says.

“why?” he asks, she looks down just as a certain part of the song plays, she starts singing along with it

‘ _All alone I watch you watch her_  
Like she’s the only girl you’ve ever seen  
You don’t care you never did  
You don’t give a damn about me  
Yeah all alone I watch you watch her  
She’s the only thing you’ve ever seen  
How is it you never notice  
That you are slowly killing me  
I hate you I love you  
I hate that I love you  
Don’t want to, but I can’t put  
Nobody else above you  
I hate you I love you  
I hate that I want you  
You want her, you need her  
And I’ll never be her‘

She looks up when she’s done singing and bites her cheek, “I’m leaving, don’t try and stop me, don’t call me” she whispers, “I’m sorry I’m not her” she whispers, “but you’ll always be first in my head, not it hers” she says before pushing past him and leaving, but he reaches and grabs her wrist, “Y/N/N” he whispers.

She pulls her arm away, tears building up as she shakes her head, “No Dean” she says, “I’m sorry I’m not Lisa… because I’m me, I’m the one who’s known you for years. I’ve been the one who’s stayed by your side when Sam died the first time when your dad died when you… when you died” she whispers, “I was the one who held your body close! I was the one who cried for weeks after you died” she says, tears falling, “I was the one who held you close every night when you got back and were having nightmares”

“I hate you for leaving me f-for her,” she says.

“I hate you, but I love you Dean, and that’s why I need to leave. I’m not gonna just sit here and watch you love some other woman when my heart beats for you!” She yells, “S-so that’s why I’m leaving Dean. Because it hurts hating the man that I love” 

She holds her bag on her shoulder, biting her cheek as she looks down, the tears falling onto her boots, “don’t look for me… please, I can’t stand this pain anymore Dean, it hurts too much” SHe whispers before she looks up, a taxi pulling up, she turns, not looking back as she gets into the taxi, soon enough, he’s pulling away and Y/N can’t hold back the tears anymore.

**_~~Three Years Later~~_ **

Y/N laughs, shaking her head, “Carol, seriously?” she says, she takes a sip out of the bottle she’s holding, “oh come on (Y/N/N), you know Damian is super hot” Carol says.

“He’s not my type” is all Y/N says, laughing, “oh yeah? and what is your type?” Carol asks, Y/N shrugs, she looks around the bar, humming quietly. It’s been three years since she left Dean and Sam, she also got out of hunting, she’s been working as a daycare worker, working with kids.

“my type, Carol, is my fiance” she chuckles, smiling at her friend, Carol smiles, “speaking of, when is Tyler coming?” she asks, Y/N shrugs, “he should be getting here soon” she says, and soon enough, the bar door opens and they both look over, Y/N’s eyes meeting emerald green ones, her heart races, she shakes her head, her heart calming when a pair of blue ones meet hers, “there’s my handsome man” she smiles.

Dean and Sam had been looking for Y/N forever, now that he’s found her, his heart breaks as she walks to a man, then a woman smiles, “there’s her handsome fiance” the woman says, making Dean’s heartbreak, he shakes his head and goes to the bar, getting shot after shot, ignoring Y/N behind him.


End file.
